There are hundreds of quotes praising silence, calling it a “source of great strength”, a “true friend that never betrays.” Other quotes basically confirm that silence is “heartbreaking” and that it’s “the loudest scream”.
My mother had religiously told me that words once spoken can never be unspoken… she made sure I knew that silence is made of gold and that I can never blurt things to people that I can never take back. Her favourite was, “If you can’t say anything nice, don’t say anything at all.” What she didn’t explain that I should never be silent about my pain and let it take control of me, and so, I stopped recognizing my destructive silence.
Years later, I have come to recognize my silence and what it does to me… Silence deafens me, be it mine or someone else’s.
My silence is a cold grip around my heart squeezing tears out of my eyes… my silence cripples my mind until it’s no longer able to tell thoughts apart… my silence makes my body get colder as it feels extremes of both pain and numbness… my silence absorbs the air out of my lungs making me struggle to breathe.
And so does your silence, because it provokes a silent volcano of pleads to not let me dwell on my fears and worries and assumptions that would tear me apart and then hand me to silence for I have nothing to base any spoken words on… and I can’t just speak my worries, my fears and my assumptions, because once they’re spoken, they are real (even if they never really applied) and I can no longer take them back.
So please don’t assume I know, don’t fear my reaction if I know, don’t worry about what speaking would do to me because nothing is as bad as silence… because silence lurks in the blur, away from the cleansing sun light.
Silence has no room between people who trust each other, so don’t encourage my silence with yours.