Treat Her Right

Treat Her Right

Men, treat you wife right. She is not another woman. It has to do with appreciating her, with treating her as special. Does your wife feel special? Many husbands do for other women what they wouldn’t do for their own wives. They used to do it. They used to open up the car door every single time, now she’s hoping to get in before the car drives off. When love dies, marriage dies.

She must feel special. How do you make her feel special? By your words and actions from the heart. A random text during the day will make her feel special. Something like, “I’m right in the middle of something, but I just wanted to tell you I love you and I can’t wait to see you when I get home.” She’s going to beat you home! Because you just made her feel special. That took 30 seconds.

You also make her feel special with your gifts. I don’t mean a dozen roses. Writing little notes to her. When she’s making the bed and underneath the pillow is a note that says, “Every night I get to sleep next to you. I just want to let you know I wouldn’t have it any other way.” She’s special. Make her feel it. Sometimes it means telling her she’s the prettiest thing you’ve ever run into. Or that you couldn’t get your mind off of her all day. Sometimes it means drying the dishes while she washes them. Sometimes it means making one side of the bed while she makes the other. Why? Because those things will make her feel special.

If you only do this on anniversaries and such, this is too predictable. When you were dating you didn’t only do it on the anniversary, it would pop up here and there. It would keep popping up. She was bombarded with your love. First of all she probably didn’t like you, she didn’t think you were handsome. But you said to yourself, “I’m going to make you like me.” And you bombarded her with emails, texts, phone calls. In time, she began to say, “Why, he isn’t exactly a frog.” And you kept bombarding her, and she began to say, “He’s kind of cute.” And you kept bombarding her, and she calls up her girlfriend and says, “I’m in love!”

What happened? What happened is you making her feel special, something too many men stop doing once they get married. She fends for herself. When was the last date? I’m not talking about the last time you came home and said, “What do you want to do tonight?” That’s not a date. A date is, “Hey, I got this thing all planned, all you got to do is come along for the ride.” Now it’s not about you coming home, and having nothing to do, and saying, “What do you want to do?” Have the attitude that, “You are not left over, you are my evening!” Make her feel like the special woman she is.

Husbands, you’re the thermostat, you control the temperature. Your wife is the thermometer, she’ll tell you how it reads. So if you have it on 80, and she’s cold, the thermometer’s broken and you can fix it.

 

 

 

 

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Someone To Love

SomeoneBefore I married my wonderful husband, I dated a lot of men. I bought into the belief that if I had a relationship with the perfect prince, then all would be well in my life. Maybe this is why I kept meeting frogs. At some point I grew up and learned to  let go of the crazy idea in order to find true happiness. In truth, I did marry a prince—but a prince who is also human, who has faults and issues just like every person, no matter how wonderful he is.

 

 

More Than Words

More Than Words

You can say “I love you” as much as you want, say whatever you want, whenever you want. But, if you’re not going to prove that the things you say are true, then don’t say anything at all. Because, if you can’t show it, your words don’t mean a thing. – Author Unknown

There’s always a turning point in any relationship…a moment that makes or breaks it. You took a wrong turn somewhere and mired yourself into the muck, and now you’re spinning your wheels deeper and deeper.  It’s a sand trap, and you’re slowly sinking.  I think most relationships hit this point. I think this happens for a couple of different reasons, but I think the primary general factor that it all falls under is when complacency takes the guise of comfort.

Comfort is a slippery slope. Comfort turns to complacency, and complacency slowly kills a relationship because at some point comfort takes over romance.  Why?  Cause romance is hard work.  So the fundamental difference between comfort and complacency is that becoming complacent is a conscious choice.  You are making a decision to place the relationship on the back burner to work on the other aspects of life.  But generally when we become complacent, it means that we get lazy at working at it.  The comfort monster in our brain tells us “You shouldn’t have to work that hard for love.  Especially in an established relationship.” No matter what, the result is the same and that is an overall laziness…a complacency that becomes the downfall of many relationships.

Eventually, we all come to the realization that saying you love someone and meaning it are two separate things. I’m talking about people who simply stop trying, and live their routine every day believing that the love is there without ever having to work for it. Love can be attained in many ways, but not a single one of them takes an easy road.  There are no shortcuts.  It’s like raising a child…no good child that grew to be a good person, was ever raised in an environment where they were completely ignored and considered to be nothing but part of the “routine.”  No…they grow up to be the children who stab you in the kidney for a pair of slightly worn Nikes.

We all want our relationship to be full of life and love, and constantly moving and evolving. Sometimes it might not be a realistic ideal, but if you really care about each other, you should never stop trying.

Laughter Isn’t Always The Best Medicine

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So just to try something different I thought some cosplay would be spicy, so I ordered a very sexy, very naughty costume online. This is how I expected my husband to react: —>

 

 

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Instead, this is how he reacted. For twenty minutes. —>

I got so mad I took the costume off and threw it in the garbage.

Happy Lover’s Day

Happy Lover's Day

Love isn’t about the romantic nights or gifts. It isn’t about fireworks going off around you when you have that first real kiss. Love isn’t about kissing in the rain and dancing beneath the stars. It isn’t about the big moments or the big surprises. Love is not a fairy tale. Love is about still having the butterflies after years. It’s about the second looks and lying in bed wide awake, all night, because you can’t go to sleep mad at each other. It’s about being willing to sacrifice, literally, everything for someone, just because you care so deeply for them. It’s not about buying gifts, but it’s about leaving them little notes here and there, just to remind them that you are thinking about them. Love is about all of the little things that add up to really big things. Love is rare and special, but should not be treated as if it will break. Love needs to be thrown around and beat up a little bit, worn in, but not worn down or taken for granted. Love needs to be a comfortable feeling, a place to go when no one else in the world can relate. A safe place, where you know that no matter how ugly you look or how angry you are, you will still be loved.

 

Happy Anniversary

Happy-3rd-Anniversary

Today is my third wedding anniversary. I want to take a moment and reflect about love…

Love isn’t about the romantic nights or gifts. It isn’t about fireworks going off around you when you have that first real kiss. Love isn’t about kissing in the rain and dancing beneath the stars. It isn’t about the big moments or the big surprises. Love is not a fairy tale.

Love is about still having the butterflies after years. It’s about the second looks and lying in bed wide awake, all night, because you can’t go to sleep mad at each other. It’s about being willing to sacrifice, literally, everything for someone, just because you care so deeply for them. It’s not about buying gifts, it’s about leaving little presents here and there, just as a reminder that you are constantly thinking about them. Love is about all of the little things that add up to really big things. Love is rare and special, but should not be treated as if it will break. Love needs to be thrown around and beat up a little bit, worn in, but not worn down or taken for granted. Love needs to be a comfortable feeling, a place to go when no one else in the world can relate. A safe place, where you know that no matter how ugly you look or how angry you are, you will still be loved.

Why Things Go Wrong

I think I know what goes wrong in marriage. Men want security and comfort. Women still want to be adored. They want to feel like a woman. Being a woman and feeling like one are two completely different things.

Make her feel like a woman. Especially if you have children, she needs to know you see her as a woman, not just a mother.

Marriage isn’t this thing that happens to you. Once it’s done, that’s not it. You need to wake up every day and make a fucking effort. Love her. Kiss her. Hold her hand. Make her a cup of coffee.

Tell her you love her but remember actions speak louder than words. Show her that you love her.

Be tender. Be a Man. Be a Husband. Look after her. Protect her. Fuck her.

Just give a fuck.

Guys Don’t Get Girls

If she doesn’t text you…

It’s because she’s waiting for you to text her.

 

When she walks away from you mad…

Follow her.

 

When she’s quiet…

Ask her what’s wrong.

 

When she ignores you…

Give her your attention.

 

When she pushes you away…

Pull her back.

 

When you see her crying…

Wipe her tears & ask what’s wrong.

 

When she says Go Away…

Just go close to her and give her a hug.

Love

You don’t get to choose, you just fall for someone. And you get this person who’s all right and wrong at the same time. Sometimes you love them so much, and other times they drive you completely insane, and no one can explain it. But the reason it’s so confusing is its love, and if love didn’t have challenges, what would be the point? No one said falling in love was going to be easy. There will be tears, laughter, anger, but it’s when you want to be together despite it all, that you know it is true love.

Love

It’s surprising how often this happens in a relationship. One person stops showing love, the other starts to believe they aren’t loved, doubts creep in and it spirals downward from there. We should all strive to express love, desire for our partners everyday. After all if, you don’t show it how are they to know.

What’s the Point

It has been a crazy year and as such my posting has been a little erratic at times.

If you’ve read any of my posts, you’ll have to admit that my husband is a pretty incredible guy but you know what doesn’t go into those posts? Every time he does something that really ticks me off or when he’s in a bad mood or when he’s just plain frustrating.

I know what you’re thinking, “Wait a second, you mean you post the good things about your husband, but you just leave out the bad things? That seems a little dishonest.”

That is where you would be wrong. Sorry

There are several reasons that I don’t write long ranting posts about the less-than-great parts of my marriage. First of all, it isn’t really anyone’s business and it would ultimately do way more harm than good to me, him, our emotional health and the overall health of our marriage. But mostly because that would be far too easy.

Now, that’s not to say that the negative aspects of marriage far outweigh the positive (although that is definitely what the world would like us to believe). It would be easier to rant about the negative while overlooking the positive than to choose to focus on the positive because I am a selfish, broken human being married to an equally broken human being. There’s no getting around that.

So what’s the point? Simply that choosing to focus on all of the wonderful things my husband does and says, helps me remember on the not-so-wonderful days why we got married in the first place. And not only that, but showing enough respect for my husband to not air all of our dirty laundry, but to brag on them and build them up will do far more for the betterment of our marriages than if they “fixed” everything “broken” about them.

Because when it comes right down to it, we wives do a lot of things to frustrate, annoy, anger, and yes, even antagonize our husbands, and I don’t think I’m going too far out onto a limb to say that we would much rather they tell their friends and co-workers about the amazing meal we made for dinner last night than how much we nagged them to put their dirty clothes in the laundry basket.

Just Because He Loves Me

I know–nothing real earth-shattering about that, eh? It reads like a syrup-y sweet children’s song made famous by a purple dinosaur: “I love you, you love me; we’re a happy family. With a great big hug and a kiss from me to you; won’t you say you love me, too?”

Knowing that I am loved makes all the difference in the world to me. Life is hard and relationships are hard work: why bother at all, if there isn’t love?

How do I know he loves me? Well, that would be another post, but he declares his love to me in a myriad of ways. It’s like the old farmer’s wife joke… the wife asks her husband one day if he loves her. The old farmer bellows, “Woman, I told you once on the day we got married, and if it ever changes I’ll let you know!” Like the farmer’s wife, I sometimes take for granted the way he expresses his love for me, through good deeds or provision of material needs, because I want him to say it/show it in other ways. More obvious ways.

Sugar & Spice

Although I am a grown woman, inside, I still feel like a little girl. Age truly is a number. This likeness to a little girl also happens emotionally. I get upset and hurt easily, particularly if I feel (it’s a matter of perception) a “mean little boy” isn’t being so nice.

Like most women I know, I spend a good chunk of time standing in front of the mirror fixing my hair, trying on different outfits and then finding shoes to match those outfits. It’s probably about as long as my husband spends working on his car. I can’t brush my teeth, comb my hair and get dressed in a matter of 5 minutes; 15 minutes maybe, but don’t hold your breath.

I like the same things that most women do. I like shopping. I prefer wine over beer. I like jewellery. Oh and did I mention I love flowers? I’m starting realize that I love flowers as much as my husband loves a good piece of steak. I like the niceties in life A LOT. Chivalry is not dead to me. Equality is awesome, but in my opinion chivalry and equality can go hand in hand. (A man who holds a door open for me, or waits for me to get in the elevator, even though he was there first, scores high on my list.)

Let’s face it. Husbands and wives are different. At the end of the day, husbands are still boys and wives are still girls…and yes, I still think that I am made of sugar and spice and all things nice.  So let’s treat each other as equals and appreciate each other’s differences for what they are.