Treat Her Right

Treat Her Right

Men, treat you wife right. She is not another woman. It has to do with appreciating her, with treating her as special. Does your wife feel special? Many husbands do for other women what they wouldn’t do for their own wives. They used to do it. They used to open up the car door every single time, now she’s hoping to get in before the car drives off. When love dies, marriage dies.

She must feel special. How do you make her feel special? By your words and actions from the heart. A random text during the day will make her feel special. Something like, “I’m right in the middle of something, but I just wanted to tell you I love you and I can’t wait to see you when I get home.” She’s going to beat you home! Because you just made her feel special. That took 30 seconds.

You also make her feel special with your gifts. I don’t mean a dozen roses. Writing little notes to her. When she’s making the bed and underneath the pillow is a note that says, “Every night I get to sleep next to you. I just want to let you know I wouldn’t have it any other way.” She’s special. Make her feel it. Sometimes it means telling her she’s the prettiest thing you’ve ever run into. Or that you couldn’t get your mind off of her all day. Sometimes it means drying the dishes while she washes them. Sometimes it means making one side of the bed while she makes the other. Why? Because those things will make her feel special.

If you only do this on anniversaries and such, this is too predictable. When you were dating you didn’t only do it on the anniversary, it would pop up here and there. It would keep popping up. She was bombarded with your love. First of all she probably didn’t like you, she didn’t think you were handsome. But you said to yourself, “I’m going to make you like me.” And you bombarded her with emails, texts, phone calls. In time, she began to say, “Why, he isn’t exactly a frog.” And you kept bombarding her, and she began to say, “He’s kind of cute.” And you kept bombarding her, and she calls up her girlfriend and says, “I’m in love!”

What happened? What happened is you making her feel special, something too many men stop doing once they get married. She fends for herself. When was the last date? I’m not talking about the last time you came home and said, “What do you want to do tonight?” That’s not a date. A date is, “Hey, I got this thing all planned, all you got to do is come along for the ride.” Now it’s not about you coming home, and having nothing to do, and saying, “What do you want to do?” Have the attitude that, “You are not left over, you are my evening!” Make her feel like the special woman she is.

Husbands, you’re the thermostat, you control the temperature. Your wife is the thermometer, she’ll tell you how it reads. So if you have it on 80, and she’s cold, the thermometer’s broken and you can fix it.

 

 

 

 

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More Than Words

More Than Words

You can say “I love you” as much as you want, say whatever you want, whenever you want. But, if you’re not going to prove that the things you say are true, then don’t say anything at all. Because, if you can’t show it, your words don’t mean a thing. – Author Unknown

There’s always a turning point in any relationship…a moment that makes or breaks it. You took a wrong turn somewhere and mired yourself into the muck, and now you’re spinning your wheels deeper and deeper.  It’s a sand trap, and you’re slowly sinking.  I think most relationships hit this point. I think this happens for a couple of different reasons, but I think the primary general factor that it all falls under is when complacency takes the guise of comfort.

Comfort is a slippery slope. Comfort turns to complacency, and complacency slowly kills a relationship because at some point comfort takes over romance.  Why?  Cause romance is hard work.  So the fundamental difference between comfort and complacency is that becoming complacent is a conscious choice.  You are making a decision to place the relationship on the back burner to work on the other aspects of life.  But generally when we become complacent, it means that we get lazy at working at it.  The comfort monster in our brain tells us “You shouldn’t have to work that hard for love.  Especially in an established relationship.” No matter what, the result is the same and that is an overall laziness…a complacency that becomes the downfall of many relationships.

Eventually, we all come to the realization that saying you love someone and meaning it are two separate things. I’m talking about people who simply stop trying, and live their routine every day believing that the love is there without ever having to work for it. Love can be attained in many ways, but not a single one of them takes an easy road.  There are no shortcuts.  It’s like raising a child…no good child that grew to be a good person, was ever raised in an environment where they were completely ignored and considered to be nothing but part of the “routine.”  No…they grow up to be the children who stab you in the kidney for a pair of slightly worn Nikes.

We all want our relationship to be full of life and love, and constantly moving and evolving. Sometimes it might not be a realistic ideal, but if you really care about each other, you should never stop trying.

My 1000th Blog Post

1000th Post

I can’t believe I’m writing this post… my 1000th blog post!

Who would have thought on March 28th, 2010, when I sat down and wrote this that I would be here writing my 1000th post and thanking almost 300 subscribers. It really amazes me.

Thank you all, whether you read it for the first time yesterday, or if you’ve been reading for all 3+ years, whether you visit frequently or infrequently. Thank you to everyone who took the time to comment over the years…  that makes blogging the best.

Here’s to the next 1000!

 

Who I Am

Lonely Heart

Today I thought about who I am.

It’s not as easy as you think it is. You order it how you can – I am a woman. I am a mother. I am a wife. I am an employee. I am sister/daughter. I am a blonde-haired cat-owner. Walking Dead fan. I like to hold my hand out the window in warm weather and watch, as I turn my hand a little bit, the aerodynamics demonstrated with my hand how airplanes work. I like to walk barefoot in the grass. I like a heavy duvet on the bed because something about the weight of it identifies the solemnity of bedtime. I like travelling but I always like coming home, too. I am heart-breaker, heart-broken survivor, book-reading, wine-quaffing adult. I am all of those things and none of them specifically. I look back on my life and I remember every moment. The good, the bad, and the ugly.

 

And if I could I would go back and do it all over again, every part of it. Would changing the past make me a different person? One can only speculate.

Ted’s Attitude

Ted's Attitude

This is funny because it’s so true. Gone are the days when people had to hit “A” three times to get “C” in a text. We’ve experienced the evolution of cell phones into smart phones but the devolution of people. Sad really.

(Devolution, de-evolution, or backward evolution is the notion that a species can change into a more”primitive” form over time. ~From Wikipedia, the free encyclopedia)

Happy Mother’s Day Mom

Happy Mother's Day

Dear Mom,
I have given you many beautiful and sparkly Mother’s Day cards over the years. I make sure the verses convey my feelings.  But those sentiments are the thoughts of another person. These words come from my heart.
As I was growing up, you may not have realized it then, but everything you did, every word spoken, every action taken, every gesture…I was taking it all in, soaking it all up like a sponge. And I did not realize how important it would all become until I became a young mother myself. Everything you did served as an invaluable life lesson, shaping who I was, creating who I’ve become. You have taught me so much.
And oh how you love your grandchildren. You babysat while I worked and never turned down a chance to watch them at other times too. Where do I begin to thank you for all you’ve done?
So, Mom, thank you for loving me, for believing in me and for helping to shape who I am today. I am proud to call you my mom.

Happy Mother’s Day to the most beautiful woman I know. I love you! ♥

Happy Lover’s Day

Happy Lover's Day

Love isn’t about the romantic nights or gifts. It isn’t about fireworks going off around you when you have that first real kiss. Love isn’t about kissing in the rain and dancing beneath the stars. It isn’t about the big moments or the big surprises. Love is not a fairy tale. Love is about still having the butterflies after years. It’s about the second looks and lying in bed wide awake, all night, because you can’t go to sleep mad at each other. It’s about being willing to sacrifice, literally, everything for someone, just because you care so deeply for them. It’s not about buying gifts, but it’s about leaving them little notes here and there, just to remind them that you are thinking about them. Love is about all of the little things that add up to really big things. Love is rare and special, but should not be treated as if it will break. Love needs to be thrown around and beat up a little bit, worn in, but not worn down or taken for granted. Love needs to be a comfortable feeling, a place to go when no one else in the world can relate. A safe place, where you know that no matter how ugly you look or how angry you are, you will still be loved.

 

Craving Carbs

Craving Carbs

Last night we both stood in the kitchen wearily. It has been a long week. Nothing bad, nothing worrying. Just long. Anyway, we stood there, unprepared for and unmotivated in what the hell to make for dinner. Mainly because we are on a low-carb diet and there wasn’t much to eat in the house. So we stood there, dejected.

“What can I make you for dinner?” my husband asked kindly.

 I shrugged. Healthy salad? Lean piece of fish? In the end, honesty prevailed.

 “I just want to get drunk and eat bread,” I replied.

 To avoid making a decision I went upstairs, took a bath. Secretly hoping that when I got out – there in the kitchen would be dinner: an uncorked bottle of wine, slices of homemade whole grain bread, and a giant hunk of aged cheddar. Sometimes it’s nice to give in to the dark side.

 Alas, it was not be. There was no wine and my dinner was not waiting for me. What I rustled together for myself was this: romaine lettuce leaves stuffed with ham, Havarti and cucumber spears.  😦

Apologies

I heard someone say today that apologising is an admission of guilt. I disagree 100% with that statement.

Some people find it almost impossible to apologise. Why is it so hard for some people to apologise? It’s not that hard. If something has gone wrong, saying sorry is an acknowledgement. It lets people know you have heard and understood them. If you have done something wrong – then admit it and apologise. Admitting you’re wrong is hard, and a challenge for many.

What then, is an apology? In its simplest form, an apology a deliberate effort to solve a problem that you have contributed to. It implies nothing about your attitude towards the incident you are taking responsibility for but acknowledges that you regret your part in what has happened or what the other person perceived has happened. It seems a lot of people never seem to see or understand their part

When should you apologise? Whenever there is a break in a relationship. No matter what the issue, there will usually be a part – even a small part – that was your responsibility. For this you should apologise. Realising that a disturbance is your responsibility is a giant step towards emotional maturity.

Apologise as soon as possible because as time goes on it gets harder and harder. It is our responsibility to take the initiative to apologise. If you wait for the other person to come to you, you may be waiting forever. It takes boldness and integrity to make the first step.

At what point you should take responsibility? What if you are not the cause of the issue? Is it more mature to stand up for what you believe in or to apologise? Although it might hurt one’s pride to apologise when someone else is in the wrong as well, it will still help resolve the dispute more quickly.

Some people refuse to apologise because they are afraid of the backlash, fearing an apology would mean admitting guilt and that this would fuel the disturbance rather than remedy it.

This sort of attitude is all too prevalent in our society. We no longer trust each other. We think that if we apologise, we’re admitting guilt. If we admit guilt it can be used against us. This may be true in a legal sense — car insurance policies that are void if I admit guilt or apologise at the scene of an accident — but it is totally wrong in a relational sense.

We have to get past the paranoia that makes us believe that everyone will try to use an apology against us. There will be times when an apology is abused, but more often than not, a genuine apology will be well received and will go a long way towards solving a conflict between two people.

There are ways of saying sorry to make the situation better without admitting accountability. Try this: “I’m sorry this happened” or “I’m sorry you are feeling so upset about it”.

Forgiveness

If you don’t forgive you’re holding on to a lot of anger and resentment. Try and take the grievance less personally, or look at the offender in a more positive light. Failing to forgive can be very damaging to you both physically and mentally.

Thought for the Day:  

Who the apology for? Is it to make yourself feel better or the other person?

Faults

Let me clearly say, “I really do love my husband … I just don’t always LIKE him!”

There is an old joke – that a man gets married hoping the woman will never change, but a woman marries her man hoping to change everything about him. The trouble with relationships is that we want everyone to be just like us.

I usually like to focus on the positive qualities of my husband and to list all the things that make me love him; things that I appreciate about him; things that are special and unique about him; etc. One of the biggest things I love about him is that he’s not perfect … he can make me want to kiss his sweet cheeks one moment and slap them hard the very next.

We both have our faults; it’s just a shame that our faults aren’t more compatible. But they are reconcilable differences. He may wish I was more like him, and vice-versa, but we are different. We can learn to celebrate our differences through compromise and self-sacrifice. That’s what relationships are all about. True love comes from being aware of the weaknesses and flaws your spouse has, and loving them regardless; loving them in spite of their imperfections. Because technically speaking, there really is no such thing as a “perfect spouse”.

It’s probably a very good thing that he’s not like me, and I’m not like him in some areas, so that we can balance each other’s faults.

 

What’s the Point

It has been a crazy year and as such my posting has been a little erratic at times.

If you’ve read any of my posts, you’ll have to admit that my husband is a pretty incredible guy but you know what doesn’t go into those posts? Every time he does something that really ticks me off or when he’s in a bad mood or when he’s just plain frustrating.

I know what you’re thinking, “Wait a second, you mean you post the good things about your husband, but you just leave out the bad things? That seems a little dishonest.”

That is where you would be wrong. Sorry

There are several reasons that I don’t write long ranting posts about the less-than-great parts of my marriage. First of all, it isn’t really anyone’s business and it would ultimately do way more harm than good to me, him, our emotional health and the overall health of our marriage. But mostly because that would be far too easy.

Now, that’s not to say that the negative aspects of marriage far outweigh the positive (although that is definitely what the world would like us to believe). It would be easier to rant about the negative while overlooking the positive than to choose to focus on the positive because I am a selfish, broken human being married to an equally broken human being. There’s no getting around that.

So what’s the point? Simply that choosing to focus on all of the wonderful things my husband does and says, helps me remember on the not-so-wonderful days why we got married in the first place. And not only that, but showing enough respect for my husband to not air all of our dirty laundry, but to brag on them and build them up will do far more for the betterment of our marriages than if they “fixed” everything “broken” about them.

Because when it comes right down to it, we wives do a lot of things to frustrate, annoy, anger, and yes, even antagonize our husbands, and I don’t think I’m going too far out onto a limb to say that we would much rather they tell their friends and co-workers about the amazing meal we made for dinner last night than how much we nagged them to put their dirty clothes in the laundry basket.

Summer In Northern Canada

The first time I saw someone standing frozen on a corner Fort McMurray with her face turned up into the sun, I found it odd. She was blissfully staring into the sunlight as if waiting for the mother ship to take her home. It was September and still warm, but winter was creeping up.

Two years later, I am the one standing on the street corner, craning my neck to worship the sun god’s first rays after an unbearably long and dark winter.

It would be a struggle to say northern Canada has four distinct seasons; I would be more apt to describe the region as having two distinct moods: dark and light. The summer/winter dichotomy has a Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde feeling to it.

In the winter, people are generally quiet and introverted. They keep to themselves and stay inside unless trying to get somewhere or participate in winter sports.

But in the summer, people suddenly wake up as if out of hibernation, and their energy is substantial.

Living up north, you can’t avoid becoming a sun worshipper. You find yourself seeking out patches of sun along sidewalks and in parks, avoiding shadows, and often walking out of your way or crossing the street just to get a few extra rays of sunlight. There is a humorous saying that you know you are from the north if you feel guilty when you are inside when it’s sunny outside.

In northern Alberta the sky really never gets completely dark. It is a sight to behold. In the summer we get about 21 hours of sunlight and the effect is dramatic. In the summer months, light suppresses the body’s melatonin release, which makes it harder to fall asleep. Your brain is tricked into thinking that it should be awake. Reminds me of being a little girl and saying, “But Mom, it’s not bedtime it’s still light out.” A person has an amazing amount of energy when he or she gets so much Vitamin D.

Moody

Moods are fleeting. They really are. One minute you are on cloud nine and feel on top of the world; the next minute you feel as though a bottomless pit swallowed you whole. That’s the way life works and the same goes for marriage too. One minute you feel your spouse is the best thing that you EVER came across in your lifetime, and the next minute you wonder WHAT in the world you found so appealing in them and (taking it one step further), that you married the wrong person.

Such extreme thinking I know….yet most husbands and wives fall prey to it.

You see, when in a logical frame of mind, you know that such extreme thinking is not good, particularly if it’s in the negative direction. When you are in this extreme state of mind however, it’s a different story. You often don’t realize that your mood and emotions are driving your thoughts. So here’s a simple way to think about it:

Positive mood + positive emotions = positive thoughts about your spouse and marriage

Negative mood + negative emotions = negative thoughts about your spouse and marriage

Positive moods aren’t so much a problem. I personally think there is nothing wrong in overdosing in positive emotions, particularly when it comes to marriage. If you feel extremely good about your spouse and marriage, then enjoy the moment to the fullest. On the other hand, if you feel the opposite happening and you start to question everything about your spouse and your marriage, realize that your frame of mind might be driving your thoughts. Perhaps you had a bad day at work, are stressed or are angry, upset, annoyed and frustrated with our spouse. Perhaps you feel justified in your thoughts because your spouse is doing everything to get you angry, upset, annoyed or frustrated. Whatever the reason may be, realize what is happening. Realize that more than likely, it is your mood that is causing you to have such thoughts. Your mood is driving your perception of your spouse and marriage. In reality, things may actually be fine. Really! (Sometimes this requires you to step outside of the situation to see it for what it really is.)

And if all else fails and you still see yourself spiralling into doom and gloom thoughts about your situation, remind yourself of this. Moods are fleeting – like most things in life, they too shall pass.

 

Dream Land

It’s 4 o’clock … AM that is.

The world is dark.  The night is still.  The tired sleep … and I am awake, the green numbers on my bedside clock stare back, silently taunting me.

Why am I sitting here typing? I’m not sure. But someone needs to tell my brain that at 4 AM it’s supposed to be in DREAM LAND!!

So what else do you do when it’s 4 AM and you can’t sleep???? I go to my laptop and blog out my frustrations. And just for the fun of it, I Googled “insomnia” to see what I came up with.

I had to laugh (well, laugh quietly) as I found some REALLY interesting things. Like…

*There’s a company that makes video games called Insomniac – I guess people can be very creative when they can’t sleep.

*There’s a collection of quotes about the lack of sleep: Dear 3 AM, we’ve got o stop meeting like this, I’d much rather sleep with you.”

**There’s even a company called Insomnia Cookies that will deliver fresh-baked cookies to your dorm room in college if you can’t sleep. (Ummm…where’s the company that will silently deliver cookies to mom’s when they can’t sleep? I’d sign up for that one.)     

 

 

 

Unique Individual

I consider myself to be a Unique individual. One that loves life for what it is.

Although certain situations in life either differ to something beautiful or to something that is not as pleasant, I usually take things for
what they are. I find myself seeking why the actions happened the way they did. What I could have learned out of it. What was something I could do in the future to avoid a repeat of what happened.

I see a lot of people dwell on their past. I see that people do not realise that they don’t need to dwell on a past. Why spend more time on something that you cannot change or “hoped” to be different. I believe that every person should make peace with their circumstances and situations.

I also see a lot of people looking for love in all the wrong places. I can honestly admit that I have gone through this trial and error in life. I can say that it was an interesting one. What I thought I once wanted is not what I want now.

Love is something that you must learn. This is not something that we just jump into (Like most of us do). Love is an emotion that everyone enjoys feeling. The emotion of having a new person, new company, attraction and that feeling of excitement. After we feel this feeling, little by little we start finding faults. We want to change them in some way to accommodate our feelings. The other person than gets tired of “acting” like another person. We allow our partner to change who we are.  Once we realize this point, we start to re-think our actions. We get bored and need change.  Routines start to settle in and we become slaves to each-other.

I believe if you start degrading yourself (ie: “I’m Fat”, ”I’m so ugly”, “She is better looking than me”) then you will start believing what you are thinking. Insecurities and rebellion come to play. This means, YOU do not love yourself. In the past, I never really knew what loving myself truly meant. Heck, I thought everyone naturally loved themselves. Then I started to realise how negative I was and how verbally abusive I was to myself. This is when I realised my ugly truth.

I believe that if everyone STOPPED, sat down, looked around and smelled the fresh air, we could finally see a beautiful creation. Analyse what is going on around us. Not everyone takes a moment to chill. This is quite sad.

I believe that if we all took some time out to ourselves, not only would we start loving ourselves, but we would be less stressed in life. We would be able to enjoy what is around us and what we truly live for. We start to realise that we are slaves in this world, trying to make a living and paying our dues. We should not be our own slaves at home. This is the perfect time to have self-love and stop the routines and stress in our lives.

Be yourself. Who cares what people think.

Making Sense of It All

Sometimes you want to reach out and ask the universe for help. You wonder if you shout, if anyone will hear you, if anyone will come. But your problems aren’t the universe’s problem and your shouts get lost in the fog that surrounds the worlds and worlds of other problems and questions.

You wonder about strength, you wonder why people talk about it so much. Why do people talk about having it, about achieving it, about acquiring it, when the truth is they had it anyway. They did and you did and we did and sometimes strength isn’t what you’re looking for after all. It’s something more. It’s the knowledge to know that some things are beyond you. It’s the acceptance that your shouts at the universe will go unheard, that the questions you demand answers for will remain unresolved.

This then is the battle.

That and looking yourself in the mirror and knowing that where you are is the result of your actions. If you are able to look your eyes in the mirror then you can proceed. If you can’t meet your gaze, then something’s not right. Maybe you messed up. Maybe it’s the world that messed up. But if you look away then you’re giving in.

But really the problem is you’ve changed, and now the reflection in the mirror isn’t the one you have in your mind’s eye. The universe has changed you. Your decisions have changed you. Something happened to you and you’ll never be the same now, and perhaps it’s difficult to incorporate that into the image you see staring back at you.

And when bitterness floods your throat and winter wind rattles through your bones you stop asking the universe your questions. It’s not a good companion, anyway. It never answers you back. You’re sick of the sly mysticism, the flirtatious silence.

A part of you is frozen but the rest of you can function and that’s what’s important. You tell yourself to stop asking questions, to stop demanding, to keep the anger at bay, to stop thinking at all because you need some peace and quiet in your brain, for just a short while.

And through it all, you raise a clenched fist at the sky and tell it you don’t want to be treated that way anymore, that you’ve had enough of its lousy games. Find another companion. This one has better things to do.